How Not To Be A Superwoman: A Handbook For Women To Survive The Patriarchy

In a recent social media post, author and journalist Nilanjana Bhowmick placed her latest book in context. She said that How Not to be a Superwoman could be seen as a continuation of her journey, which started with her first book Lies Our Mothers Told Us (2022). 바카라�I call it building community, sharing our [women바카라�s] lived experiences바카라�Let's learn and unlearn toxic socialisation together.바카라�

How Not to be a Superwoman dissects the burden of perfection a deeply patriarchal society places on Indian women. Women are expected to be perfect mothers and daughters, perfect wives, perfect in their careers, perfect in the friendships they build. Always aspire to be a 바카라�superwoman바카라�. Juggle multiple roles and workloads with a dazzling smile. This pursuit of perfection, constantly reinforced by society via both subtle and not-so-subtle messages, extracts a heavy price. Fearing societal disapproval, many women hide the toll it takes on them, carrying on in silence at the cost of their mental and physical health. This book extends a much-needed invitation to Indian women to step back, re-examine their priorities, and feel free to have conversations about the burden of perfection that crushes them.

Bhowmick never falls into the trap of sermonising. She is disarmingly candid when she shares her personal experiences as a working professional, daughter, daughter-in-law, wife and mother. Her own struggle with perfectionism and the long road she travelled to come to terms with it is simply and honestly told. She weaves in the voices of women from across India into the book, giving them a non-judgmental space to talk about their lives and the cross of perfection바카라�which many learnt to discard over time. Reliable data and relevant studies on gender inequality, parenting, and intergenerational trauma that women experience add heft to the book.

One of the most insightful chapters in How Not to be a Superwoman is the one on how women can redefine the concept of 바카라�having it all바카라� in order to live more satisfying, stress-free and genuinely empowering lives. It underlines the fact that there is no catchall definition of 바카라�having it all바카라�. Despite the messages movies, television and the advertising industry have been feeding us for ages, despite the edicts society swears by, every woman is free to define 바카라�having it all바카라� in the specific context of her life and dreams. 바카라�No one expects men to have it all because there are no 바카라�ors바카라� in their lives바카라�just 바카라�ands바카라�. Professional and personal, work and family, children and job. But for women it is always 바카라�either/or바카라�바카라�.

Aanchal, who is in her 20s, says, 바카라�I find it frustrating when people ask successful women if they can 바카라�have it all바카라� because this question is rarely posed to men바카라�Not everyone wants to get married or have children; some may find fulfilment in their careers or with a partner and friends.바카라� Many women who are interviewed in the book say that they are ready to change the definition of 바카라�having it all바카라�. Some of them have found a way to prioritise themselves instead of slogging all the time and managing work, family and caregiving without complaint as 바카라�superwomen바카라� are expected to do.

Learning to say 바카라�no바카라� is a challenge for many Indian women, but some have gone ahead and said no to toxic relationships and bad marriages, and turned down professional requests which assume they will shoulder extra responsibilities simply because they are women. 바카라�Love and respect yourself as much as you have been taught to love and respect others,바카라� says Bhowmick. 바카라�바카라�Say no without guilt just the way you have been taught to accept no without questioning, question and probe your guilt바카라�is it really yours?바카라�

That brings us to the matter of the 바카라�Guilt Factory바카라�. Women battle several guilts, 바카라�the most consuming바카라� of these being the caregiving guilt, which includes mother바카라�s and daughter바카라�s guilt. Working mothers talk about how they constantly worry they are slipping up, how the demands of job and family pull them in different direction, saddling them with 바카라�mommy guilt바카라�. Bhowmick quotes studies that have shown how working moms often feel more guilty than working dads. Putting motherhood on a pedestal also means that women constantly feel they are being judged by an 바카라�invisible audience바카라� about their parenting skills. In her conversations with several women in their mid-forties, Bhowmick addresses the myth of the superhuman caregiver, the 바카라�mother whose own care needs require no attention바카라�. The interviewees share their personal experiences of letting go of the traditional, gendered social construct of a mother. Parenting is a shared activity, which requires both the father and the mother바카라�s equal involvement. Gender roles within the family unit are not to be pigeonholed. 바카라�Every mother is different,바카라� says Natasha. 바카라�I realized that there was no right or wrong way to be a mother.바카라�

In the Epilogue of How Not to be a Superwoman, Bhowmick reminds women that self-love and self-value are 바카라�ongoing practices바카라�. She shares a useful set of pointers, based on her own life journey so far, which others may find valuable. These include the importance of setting boundaries, smashing stereotypes and imposed rules of what it means to be a woman, the need to believe in yourself, the right to claim rest and leisure, and the need to figure your life out independently without the pressure of societal expectations.

The most important message How Not to be a Superwoman sends out to (Indian) women is that losing yourself while trying to keep everyone else happy is the same as being sucked into quicksand. Find your way out before you drown!