Succumbing to the pressure of looking a certain way is increasingly turning into a comedy of cosmetic desperation
After using dating apps for about three months, I recently decided to delete them altogether. Over time, I바카라ve become acutely aware of the superficial dynamics at play in the process of 바카라matching바카라 with others, and the meticulous effort required to curate the perfect imagery to catch the big fish in the sea.
It wasn't until just a couple weeks ago that I truly grasped the inner workings of these platforms, and I am glad I have some first-hand experience with them. There is a certain sense of empowerment that comes from trying something yourself and then choosing to reject it. I was always averse to the idea of reducing human connection to a mere swipe, where appearance takes precedence over genuine interaction. Dating apps, I've realised, are not conducive to sincere connections, and attractiveness often earns temporary favour until someone more appealing comes along.
During my time on these apps, I encountered men who were curious about my skincare routine and others who expressed a preference for a partner who wears make-up. Some also asked if I hit the gym or not. Any other form of activity isn바카라t considered ideal. We also discussed the importance of simplicity and authenticity that are part of my cultural background and not resorting to artificial pigments to alter one's appearance. While I don't always follow my culture's tradition, I feel that embracing my natural blemishes and uneven skin keeps my character intact. I want to look like myself. I recognise that not everyone shares this perspective, but it's a belief that I hold dear to myself.
I find little value in dressing up to impress anyone, more so individuals who lack a deep understanding of fashion. Despite completing four years of fashion school and working with fashion designers in India who are known for the work they do, I never felt the need to apply heavy make-up or indulge in buying the latest trend. Once you know the ins and outs of fashion business, you save your money for something better (like travelling).
I recall reading an interview with Li Edelkoort, a prominent Dutch trend forecaster, in which she describes styling as a scaffolding of fashion. She says: 바카라It바카라s a cache-misère, it바카라s making things much more interesting than they are. That바카라s why styling has such a major impact on society: styling of food, photos, lifestyle ... Some people are talented, and almost artists, but sometimes it is just trying to hide a lack of ideas.바카라 This thought has since informed how I view anything people do.
My perspective has been shaped by recognising that many experiences in life are presented through filters and certain stylisations. This also holds true for humans. In the heavily social media-influenced world that we live in, men, women and others are expected to look like those with a few million followers and women feel the pressure to conform more so than men. Women are often judged based on their looks, while men use their social status to attract desirable partners. This is a result of a biological pursuit where women must follow a set standard to attract men. Often, the glam is simply a tool to use to sway people to your side. Use it when you are insecure or feeling too plain in life.
An ex-colleague of mine truly uses make-up as a form of expression. It was the first time ever that I saw someone use branded pigments unapologetically not as a cover-up but as a form of creativity where they added some extra texture to their skin by drawing freckles and painting the eyes with some crazy shade of purple. Creativity that could scare away some people. She did it every day and not in a gimmicky way but as a ritual. I am all for that.
I thought I knew what all these tools were supposed to do, and that I shouldn바카라t attach my self-worth to such petty things and had made my peace with it until I moved to North America, the mecca of the visual culture. A place where a person is reminded of what they look like every second of the day. Even within the diversity of Toronto, which is where I am currently based, some things are just non-negotiable in the dating scene here. And I would say it is the same for every gender. Sometimes, I feel bad for people for having to fawn over to a certain visual identity that is also constantly changing with different influences shaping it. Is every person living in downtown Toronto ruthlessly and religiously hitting the gym because they want to just be fit? I am doubtful.
I would like to discuss the idea of beauty here. The beauty that North America is known for, of being picture perfect. Of creating this perfect image of being drop-dead gorgeous. It has nothing to do with the so-called beauty that God blesses a person with which also gets rated differently by different people where some features are more attractive than others. Beauty in North America stands for becoming what is attractive and not depending on God so much. What in the world of beauty standards that a make-up store such as Sephora cannot solve? Or the best plastic surgeon in the city? A few shots of Botox are only worth a couple of weeks of pay.
I am writing this from a place in life where I think I am over all that. It used to bother me. I have coloured my hair to conceal my greys and took laser to get rid of the hair on my chin. I have a very specific wardrobe now compared to a few years ago where my clothing would pass as that of a tomboy. I follow a very Yohji Yamamoto aesthetic when I do indeed dress up and it almost feels like a dream where I can dress up like that. It is not so bad if I think about it. I am exploring fashion and my identity in a way that I did not before. I put on some make-up and then use a wet towel to clean it. It is fun. Just some things to try to fit in in this archaic idea of what is it to be a girl. I have somewhat reconciled with this notion only after I have changed to an extent that at least I am not looked down upon. I know I can navigate situations with ease where I am supposed to be presentable and all. All that at the cost of losing some sort of integrity.
The other day I was talking to a friend. He narrated this incident where he asked his colleague what colours of shirts should he buy to which the colleague said that my friend should get all the colours from the rainbow. I thought it was a hilarious response. I am a bit unsure about what this colleague really meant but what I understood was that there are a million aesthetics and points of view we can subscribe to, but there is only one colour of shirt that we truly fit in and want to purchase on any given day.
I am old enough to know that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Although it may sound like a cheesy expression, it is also a calming thought and supports the perspective that every person will get attracted to different ideas of beauty standards. While social media will do its job of being the ridiculous influence-monster that it is, it is okay to know what they want to look like. Go ahead and get those lip fillers if you want to but also be ready to randomly meet someone like me who is going to make you feel terrible about it.
Joking! I will never do that, but what I truly mean is that you will always meet someone who won바카라t agree with your idea of beauty and what you represent as a human being. In that case, I think it is just comforting and easy to follow one바카라s heart and wear the old tartan shirt that makes you a nerd. Nerds are delectable but there are none on the app because they are pretending to be Kim Kardashian. Good luck to me!
(Views expressed are personal)
Harkirat Kaur is an inclusive designer currently based in Toronto