Shared Grief Unites Families Of CRPF Men Killed in Pulwama And 2010 Dantewada Attack

In life, there are some big things바카라�oath, duty, glory, honour and so on. In death, small things become big too바카라�adding a floor to the house, keeping a promise made to a nine-year-old, making a phone call from a faraway place to wake up the ­children at home every morning.

The killing of 40 CRPF personnel on February 14 in a suicide bombing in Kashmir바카라�s Pulwama district led to much outrage across the country. Hot-headed speeches and calls for revenge rent the air. For those the slain had left behind at their homes and who would never see them return, there came a slew of ann­ouncements바카라�monetary compensation, jobs, passes for concessional train tickets. Leaders and officials of every stature flocked to the houses of the bereaved, promising unwavering support and ass­istance even in future. A month later, the families of the dead find themselves still coping with their loss, and sometimes in disturbing situations.

At slain jawan Koushal Kumar Rawat바카라�s house at Kahrai village in Uttar Pradesh바카라�s Agra district, a CRPF officer poses as he presents the home minister바카라�s condolence certificate to the family, while his gunner clicks a photograph. Born on a Republic Day, Koushal was at home for a vacation in February and had left only two days before he was killed. 바카라�Papa was always humming a tune, or tapping his fingers to one,바카라� says Koushal바카라�s 22-year-old son Abhishek, who is studying medicine in Russia. 바카라�He was also an excellent cook. Whenever he was home, he would take over the kitchen from my mother.바카라�

Cooking, music, dance, Urdu couplets, admiration for Rajesh Khanna and war movies바카라�this pretty much sums up Koushal. 바카라�Only a few days before he left, we had a small argument,바카라� remembers his bereaved wife Mamta. 바카라�I wanted to watch the movie Vivah, while he was keen on enjoying Border.바카라� The family has received about Rs 80 lakh in total from the CRPF, the UP government, and contributions from citizens. There is also a plan for a memorial, but it seems stuck as of now. 바카라�The state government says there is no land. Can you believe it? If they don바카라�t make the memorial soon, I바카라�ll sit on a hunger strike,바카라� says Mamta.

Pangs of absence are also felt some 1,600 km away in Assam바카라�s Baksa, at the house of Maneswar Basumatary, one of Koushal바카라�s colleagues who died with him in Pulwama. 바카라�While being away on duty, he would supervise all the domestic affairs over phone, from the feeding of the cows to the construction of our new house,바카라� says wife Sanmati. 바카라�He even used to call our son and daughter in the morning to wake them up. Now, suddenly, I바카라�m feeling empty.바카라�

Sanmati is grateful to the CRPF and the Assam government for the support they extended. Their daughter got a job in the state tourism department and started working earlier this month. Despite the searing loss, there is a sense of pride and contentment in the family. The contentment seems to be largely due to India바카라�s airstrikes across the LoC. 바카라�At least, my man and his colleagues will get peace from this. I don바카라�t want to see a war, but the terrorists who attacked Indian soldiers should be finished,바카라� says the widow.

The CRPF convoy that was atta­cked had men from all parts of the country. In Karkudi village of Tamil Nadu바카라�s Ariyalur district, the digital banners paying homage to slain Sivachandran dot the streets and lead the way to his small two-storey house. An MA in history, he was the first you­ngster to join the security forces from the village that has around 300 households. A month after the tragedy, the stream of visitors has become a trickle and Siva바카라�s family is slowly attempting to return to their routine.

But a new routine it would be바카라�as the regular phone calls from Siva are now etched only in memory. Siva바카라�s 26-year-old wife Gandhimathi will soon become the sole earning member of the family when she joins as the village administrative officer at Suddhamalli village, about 5 km from her home. 바카라�Though I am a qualified nurse, the district collector suggested this posting so I could be closer home. I am pregnant with our second child and must not travel,바카라� she says.

Gandhimathi has been stoically silent. Her tears and sobs have given way to a forlorn look at her dead husband바카라�s photo. The occasional smile comes due to the mischievous sounds from their two-year-old son Sivamunian. Oblivious to the tragedy, the little boy is busy playing with his cousins and neighbours. Even when he rifles through a photo album, he readily points to his mother and says 바카라�Amma바카라�, but is unable remember who the tall gentleman next to her is.

바카라�When his father came this January for Sivamuni바카라�s second birthday, the little boy refused to go to Siva, thinking he was a stranger,바카라� says Siva바카라�s father Chin­nayan, who used to work as a lab­ourer. 바카라�Only after a couple of days could father and son really bond with each other. Now Sivamuni and his (to be born) sibling would both grow up without knowing their father.바카라�

Chinnayan had already lost his second son, who died of elec­trocution a few years ago. He also has a daughter with disability to take care of. 바카라�Siva was the pillar of our family and now we have to rebuild our lives without him,바카라� he says, almost choking on his words.

Rebuilding seems to be the only opt­ion the 40 families of the slain CRPF men are left with. Though there is support from various quarters, martyrdom also brings unwelcome propositions in its wake. For instance, the wife of slain jawan Manoj Behera, who lives in Odisha바카라�s Cut­tack, was approached by all three major parties in the state바카라�the Biju Janata Dal, the Congress and the BJP. All three off­ered her a ticket for the elections. 바카라�But I clearly said no. The mere thought of my daughter-in-law begging for votes with a toddler in her arms was deeply insu­lting,바카라� says a visibly distraught Jitendra, Manoj바카라�s father, who suffers from a host of chronic diseases.

Manoj left home on February 6, after a month-long period of domestic bliss in the company of his parents, wife and one-year-old daughter. He had promised to come again in March, but returned much earlier, on February 16, draped in the tricolour. 바카라�I had spoken to him at around 9 in the morning on the fateful day, hours before he boarded the bus,바카라� says the slain jawan바카라�s wife Ililata, who lives in Cuttack바카라�s Ratanpur village. 바카라�During the short conversation, he enquired about the well-being of our daughter and reiterated his promise to come in March.바카라�

The fallen soldier바카라�s mother can바카라�t stop swooning over the endearing qualities of her son. Between intermittent bouts of sobbing, she talks about how good a son, husband, father and friend he was. 바카라�He wanted to do so much. He wanted to add another floor to the house, open a charity hospital in the village and enter politics after his superannuation to do something for the people,바카라� recalls the 50-year-old Sabitri fondly, and then adds, with a touch of palpable pathos, 바카라�Alas! All his dreams remained unfulfilled바카라� as tears start rolling down her cheeks. Money has been pouring in for the family, but this windfall of sorts has also stirred discord between Manoj바카라�s parents and his in-laws.

Manoj바카라�s wife does not want to go to her parental home. There have been a few job offers for her from various org­anisations, including the CRPF and KIIT University in Bhubaneswar. 바카라�I will certainly take up a job, but only after two or three years, when my daughter can do without my constant care and attention,바카라� Ililata says. Manoj was the sole breadwinner in the family and, in his death, has ensured bread for the family for a lifetime. But they would rather have the breadwinner than the bread he left behind for him.

Petty fights in the family, driven by greed for the compensation, seem to have happened in other places too. Barely days after the attack, reports emerged that the wife of H. Guru in Karnataka바카라�s Mandya district was being pressurised to marry her brother-in-law, probably so that the hefty monetary compensation and donations she was receiving would remain within the family. She later ref­uted those reports in a press conference she addressed with her mother.

In Bauria village of West Bengal바카라�s Howrah district, a slain jawan바카라�s wife was ruthlessly trolled on social media for her anti-war views. 바카라�We want to be left alone and piece together our life. I am grateful to people for the love they have shown to my husband, but let us be, please,바카라� says Babloo Santra바카라�s wife Mita, almost choking with grief.

바카라�Today is my daughter바카라�s ninth birthday and we were supposed to be celebrating in Puri (a beach town in Odisha) today. He was to come home on March 4,바카라� she says. Mita, an MA in modern history, teaches at the Ludlow Academy, which is located in the Ludlow Jute Mills ­complex in nei­ghbouring Chengail. Off­ered a job by the CRPF as well as by the state government, she is more inc­lined to take up the latter as she wouldn바카라�t have to move out of the state for it.

Mita is not just upset with cyber-bullying, but also the pervasive media glare. 바카라�I am disgusted with the media for what it has done to us. They have made a mockery of a tragedy. Please spare my daughter from all this unwanted publicity. She is too young to even understand what she has lost in life,바카라� she sobs, sitting in her under-construction two-storey house. Completing the house and giving his family a comfortable life was Babloo바카라�s dream, says his 65-year-old mother.

Despite the harassment she faced on social media, Mita remains a resolute pacifist. 바카라�There will be more martyrs like Babloo. We don바카라�t want war. Many wives like me will lose their husbands. Many daughters like mine will lose their fathers,바카라� she says. 바카라�All I wanted to say was that the Pulwama attack was carried out by an ­external force, which is why it attracted so much publicity. What about the massacre in Dantewada, where 76 of Babloo바카라�s colleagues from the CRPF were killed?바카라�

On April 6, 2010, guerr­illas of the outlawed CPI(Maoist) ambushed a CRPF convoy, killing 76 personnel. That has been the deadliest attack on the Indian security forces so far. The attack in Pulwama brought back to life the memories of Dantewada and those who lost their lives in the line of duty.

Aryendra Singh of Chandpura Gaupura village in UP바카라�s Kanshiram Nagar ­(formerly part of Etah district) was 26 when he was killed in the Dantewada ambush. His 64-year-old father, Soren Singh, says he has been running from pillar to post for the past nine years to get a memorial built for his son. 바카라�My son is gone. I just want his name to live on,바카라� says Soren, who has lost sight in one eye. 바카라�All I have got in these years are assurances. The smriti dwaar (memorial gate) built for him fell down in a storm. It hasn바카라�t been rebuilt either.바카라�

Soren says he organised a small function on Shaheed Diwas in his village a few years ago. 바카라�Both the district magistrate and the superintendent of police promised to come, but they did not turn up. We became the butt of ridicule in the village,바카라� he adds. He also recalls the hardships his son used to face during his stint in the Maoist guerrilla zone. 바카라�He would have to walk 25 km in a day, even drink water from a pond. Once I told him to quit the job, but he snapped at me, 바카라�I am not a deserter. I바카라�ll protect my country, die if need be, but I won바카라�t quit바카라�,바카라� says Soren, whose second son joined the CRPF after the youngest was killed. The eldest died of a heart attack.

Some 75 km from Aryendra바카라�s village lives the family of Zamirul Hasan, ano­ther of the CRPF men killed in the Dantewada attack. The mere mention of Chhattisgarh reminds his 22-year-old son, Amir, of the ghastly incident. 바카라�My father always told me to realise my res­ponsibilities,바카라� says Amir, who lives in Aligarh바카라�s Jamalpur area. 바카라�Half the money we got in compensation has been spent in five surgeries that my mother underwent. She has another operation five days later.바카라�

Amir has four sisters, two of whom are unmarried. When the second sister was getting married, he sought help from the CRPF, something he says was promised to the family in 2010. 바카라�We kept writing letters and meeting people, but the help never came,바카라� says Amir, a science graduate who is jobless at the moment. His sister got a job in the CRPF, but she got unwell and quit in a few months. A memorial gate built to commemorate his father in their village in Sambhal fell down, he says, and a new one was erected in its place. The new gate bore a different name though, that of the village pradhan.

By Salik Ahmad in Agra, Kanshiram Nagar and Aligarh, Sandeep Sahu in Cuttack, Probir Pramanik in Howrah, G.C. Shekhar in Ariyalur, Abdul Gani in Baksa and Ajay Sukumaran in Bangalore