Partying on New Year바카라s Eve at an upscale hotel on Kolkata바카라s fancy Belvedere Road, 32-year-old Sayan Sarkar couldn바카라t help himself. As the clock struck 12, he looked at the revellers around him 바카라 boys and girls kissing and rejoicing. Sayan was overcome with the sudden urge to do something he doesn바카라t usually do in public. He reached up, grabbed his partner바카라s face in his hand and gave him a kiss: 바카라Happy New Year!바카라 Recalling the moment, Sayan says it just felt right. Cut to another evening when he and his boyfriend were walking outside his house, holding hand and he saw some of his uncles approaching. Sayan instinctively let go of Sritam's hand. Contrasting the two incidents, he says, 바카라For gay couples, the expression of love depends on the location.바카라
Same-Sex Love: Commitment Issues And The Matter Of Marriage
Parental pressure and social ostracisation have long kept gay men from getting into long-term relationships. However, a change is afoot.
Sayan came out to his family in 2020 and has been in a steady relationship with his boyfriend Sritam Mukherjee for over a year now. The Delhi-based consultant, however, prefers to tiptoe when it comes to navigating snoopy neighbours. 바카라There바카라s just not enough acceptance of same-sex or non-binary couples yet. People know we exist, they just don바카라t want to get it yet.바카라
Thanks to the decriminalisation of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, Sayan is now able to walk around with his boyfriend without the fear of being reported to the police. He can post photos with him on Instagram and actually do the things people do in steady relationships. Before he had met Sritam, Sayan was a regular on Grindr 바카라 the frisky dating app favoured by gay men, both single and adulterous. 바카라Grindr is like Swiggy. You know you need a meal, and you just order it. When you바카라re done with it, you move on to the next meal,바카라 jokes Mumbai-based Praful Baweja, 41. As an afterthought, he adds, what you get on apps like Grindr is 바카라usually the substitute, not the real thing.바카라
Praful has been single for some time and says that his love life or his sexuality is not a big part of his persona anymore. But he, nevertheless, wishes that offices start including same-sex partners in their insurance policies and 바카라family바카라 parties. Praful says he had on several occasions felt like taking his previous partners to work events, but eventually flaked on it each time. 바카라All they need to do is change it to 바카라Plus One바카라 instead of husband or wife on the e-vite. Just say -- bring your plus one." The stigma and the lack of sensitisation result from years of enforced binary gender roles.
Take the case of 바카라promiscuity바카라, one of the most misinterpreted aspects of queer sexuality. Critics of homosexuality and the sexual liberalisation movements of the late 20th century have often accused the queer community of indulging in promiscuous, licentious behaviour that was against the conservative and religion-driven moral codes of society. In 2000, psychiatrist Nathaniel S Lehrman wrote an essay titled 바카라Homosexuality: A Political Mask for Promiscuity: A Psychiatrist Reviews the Data바카라 in the ultra-religious Orthodox Jewish Thought journal Traditions. In it, Lehrman quoted various publications and studies to justify that gay men were indeed promiscuous and a danger to the heteronormative familial structure intrinsic for the perpetuation of organised religion. He also argued that promiscuity was at the heart of the political movement for homosexuality.
Having spent much of his twenties and thirties exploring his sexuality, Praful does not deny it. 바카라The idea of promiscuity and the queer community바카라s alleged obsession with polygamy is highly embellished by heteronormative needs to justify sexual behaviours that they don바카라t understand,바카라 he says. He believes that for a community that has been so blatantly abused and oppressed by all, including family members, perhaps being picky and mistrustful of long-term personal relationships was not that surprising. 바카라It is a little bizarre to expect people who are used to discrimination, when they express their identity, to be functional, loving individuals,바카라 Praful adds.
Social ostracisation and parental pressure, especially among persons with lesser privilege and agency than Praful, also keep gay men from seriously approaching long-term relationships. Your mother may know you are gay. But will your distant aunt think it is ok to bring your partner to the family function? You may have come out to your office. But can you claim partner benefits such as medical insurance?
Today, Indian gay couples such as Atulan Purohit and Divesh Tolani are breaking barriers of gender and patriarchal cishet propriety in India with successful careers as LGBTQIA influencers. The couple runs a joint travel Instagram account called 바카라Honey Imm Home바카라 where they post regular updates of their life and travels together. The page has over 50K followers and their photographs get thousands of likes.
Speaking to Outlook, Atulan says that the entire brouhaha about the queer community and their sexual lives is a result of ignorance. 바카라Being 바카라promiscuous바카라 is seen as such a negative thing sometimes. It바카라s more of a person바카라s personal preference to lead their lives a certain way,바카라 says Atulan. 바카라This might prevail in the queer community more because there바카라s no concept of arranged marriage for us and hence it takes people time to figure out who they are and what they want out of a life partner,바카라 he adds. But finding the right partner is easier said than done. 바카라I have been in a long term relationship that lasted for five years, I바카라ve been in an open relationship, and now I바카라m in a monogamous relationship,바카라 Atulan reveals. According to Divesh, all dating is hard and queer dating even more so. 바카라As a gay man exposed to 바카라dating바카라 since the age of 16, it바카라s been quite exhausting,바카라 says Divesh. He adds that with every bad relationship, he kept losing bits of him. But it was only after he met Atulan that he realised that love could be more than that.
After the decriminalisation of Section 377, there has been a growing chorus for legalising gay marriages. As of December 2021, at least eight petitions seeking legalisation of gay weddings or civil unions remained pending in Delhi High Court. The members of the community argue that the push for gay weddings promotes monogamy and reflects the queer community바카라s desire to be seen as a monogamous block with familial urges that make them want to marry and settle down, much like a cis-male. Instagram stars Divesh and Atulan would also like to get married at some point and celebrate their love with their friends and family. But according to the duo as well as other queer couples, legalisation was only a means to increasing acceptance of gay marriage, not the end.
바카라Gay marriages may become a reality in the coming decades in India. But we are still very far from accepting it. It바카라s naïve to think that legal changes alone will be enough to change everything 바카라 how well has that really worked for other issues in India? Same-sex marriage has been legalized in Brazil, but it has high levels of violence against queer people. India will probably be in a similar position if same-sex marriage is legalised,바카라 says Sharang. Having been in a monogamous relationship with his partner Amogh for nearly a decade, the Vadodara-based writer and content strategist instead wants people to first normalise gay and queer relationships. And as for gay men seeking love, companionship is turning out to be more important than marriage.
According to Kamakshi Madan, founder of a matchmaking service and support network called Aarzoo for the LGBTQIA community, many queer persons have started seeking long-term relationships as opposed to one-night stands or short flings. 바카라Since 2020, when I launched Aarzoo, we have helped over 200 queer couples find love. And most of them waited for long periods of time until we could find them a good match,바카라 Kamakshi says. Perhaps it was the reading-down of Section 377 or the pandemic, I don바카라t know. But there has been a definite uptick in gay people seeking partners for long-term relationships or companionship, she adds. Kamakshi clarifies that, unlike Grindr or Blued which might offer temporary dalliance, Aarzoo is not a dating app but a platform where gay couples come to find love. Her customers range from young men to men in their 50s and 60s.
For some queer people, a platform like Aarzoo is sometimes the only source of finding appropriate partners. 바카라For single gay people, avenues for social mixing and courtship rituals are very limited. Most of us used to meet at special parties organised by Gayzi, Humsafar Trust and other queer-friendly platforms. These get-togethers act as fun 바카라meet and greets바카라 for people to make friends and potentially meet romantic partners in a safe and comfortable environment,바카라 says Winnie Chopra. Winnie and her partner currently live in Mumbai and the couple organises such parties and events for the queer community to come together and celebrate. However, Winnie feels that while gay men have been able to capitalise on the growing acceptance and space for the queer community in the mainstream, gay women have not got an equal share of the visibility.
바카라Women are less emancipated everywhere, even within the LGBTQIA community. In India, the chorus for gay and queer rights has always centred around gay men. Experiences of lesbian women have completely been invisibilized,바카라 Winnie says. Unlike gay men, lesbians are usually stereotyped as monogamous among the queer community. But in cishet pop culture, lesbians are often depicted as overly sexualised psychotic stalkers or butch quarterback-types with a penchant for hairy arms. Sadly, says Winnie, the representation of gay women ends there. 바카라Section 377 had nothing to do with lesbian women since we were not criminalised by it. There are no laws for or against lesbian relationships. The call for gay weddings is also made more loudly by the gays, not the lesbians. Lesbian relationships are not even taken seriously,바카라 Winnie says, 바카라Like we are invisible.바카라
Santa Khurai, a transwoman from Imphal (Manipur), sometimes wishes she was invisible, too. But she isn바카라t. No transwoman is, says Santa. An activist and a trans-leader working at the ground level to help transpersons in Manipur, she says that for the trans community, especially trans women, love was an elusive concept. 바카라Most trans women fall in love with cis-men. The relationships are often toxic and abusive,바카라 says Santa. Global studies have shown that transgender women and bisexual women are at a higher risk of facing intimate partner violence or dating violence. In India, where a majority of trans women are either beggars or sex workers, violence 바카라 both at the hands of police, antagonists and their own partners 바카라 was inadvertent and endemic. She herself is one of the few trans women in all of Manipur who is in a long-term live-in relationship with her partner. 바카라His behaviour to me is dictated by the attitude of the society towards our relationship. Every time society ridicules the relationship, he punishes me for it,바카라 she says.
바카라In India, the narratives of queer love and civil rights are dominated by the gays. But such discussions are often trans-exclusionary or ignorant of the trans experience. The right to heteronormative marriage, for instance, can never apply to transgender persons and has got nothing to do with trans inclusions or how trans people experience relationships,바카라 Santa adds.
Meanwhile, private companies have already started partaking in the queer love pie 바카라 especially gay weddings. In the US, gay weddings boosted the economy by $3.8 billion since they were legalised in 2015. Perhaps it is not surprising that platforms like Shaadi.com are trying to enter the queer dating and matrimonial game. Last year, the site announced plans to launch LGBTQIA-specific services in 2022. Previously, dating app giants like Truly Madly have also tried to enter the queer online dating world but with futile results. 바카라The point is that most of us still do not feel comfortable putting ourselves out there in front of cishet people. And making an app to help us find love in the same format that works for hetero couples is just lazy,바카라 says Sayan. 바카라Even if gay marriages were legalised, it would be a long time before any gay man would voluntarily end up there to look for a groom,바카라 he adds.