Dear Shree: Outlook's Agony Aunt

Dear Shree, I just got out of a very long-term relationship about a year ago. My ex and I were married for 6 years and we have 2 beautiful boys together. Now, coming to my present, I met this guy while I was going through my 바카라�finding myself바카라� phase. He바카라�s really sweet, he understands my situation with my ex, and he always puts me first. Originally, we agreed to just be in friends with benefits kind of arrangement. We decided so because he too came out of a very serious and hard relationship as well just 3 months prior to meeting me. I didn바카라�t want anything serious. But, after hanging out a couple times together, it became more serious. We literally do everything a couple does.. He바카라�s not seeing anyone else and neither am I. We바카라�re only seeing each other. When I ask him about moving to the next step, he says he just wants to take it slow because of his rough past. We바카라�ve been seeing each other for 3 months now. Is this a lost cause? Should I give up?

-- Nandita Bhojpuria, New Delhi

First question to you is regarding the 바카라�finding myself바카라� phase. Do you think you are still going through it? Six years is a long time to be with someone. Pair that with parenting two children together and I can imagine some challenges with the transition. This doesn바카라�t mean that it바카라�s not possible to move on in less than a year, but I would take a deeper dig into what you really want in life and in the next relationship. You owe yourself the time.

I don바카라�t think this relationship sounds like a lost cause, but rather a beautiful start! He sounds like a great guy; sweet, loving, caring and comforting are nice checks on the list. If he바카라�s communicating that he wants to move slow, respect that as it doesn바카라�t mean that he doesn바카라�t see a future with you or appreciate spending time with you. Rather, he바카라�s telling you like it is. He just got out of a serious relationship with a rough past and he doesn바카라�t want to rush things. To make a relationship work, the timing has to work too and that takes both sides being honest, self-aware and respectfully communicating with one another. Keep communicating honestly. It may turn out to be worth the wait.

Dear Shree, My boyfriend I have been together for almost five years. I am about to finish my undergraduate degree and am applying for my MBA. For a long time, I thought he was the one. He wants to stay in our hometown because he wants to be close to his family and he has a great job. However, there aren바카라�t a lot of MBA school opportunities for me here. I love our hometown and would gladly live here, but my dream is to pursue a career in management. We have done long-term long distance before and I don바카라�t want to go through that again especially for the next few years again. What should I do? He has made it clear that he won바카라�t go with me and I바카라�m not willing to give up my dream. Should we call it quits now or just wait and see what happens once I leave?

-- Indrani Rajkhowa, Silchar, Assam

As careers begin to come into focus and questions arise about where you want to put down roots, competing goals can quickly arise. There is no easy answer to this one. You can make a case to focus on the relationship since relationships often mean the most to us in the long run. You can also make a case to focus on career, since a relationship may end but education and your career will be with you for a lifetime.

I would urge you to think about which outcome you would regret more. Would you rather make a clean breakup and later question if you guys would have worked or try to make it work and later find out that it was a waste of time. That question may lead you towards your answer. In order for a relationship to work there has to be compromised. That could take form in a long distance relationship and be trying to make it work, or someone compromising to stay or move. However, if there is no compromise, the road ahead is looking pretty rocky.
Continue applying for MBA schools near and far, whatever you see as the best fit for your next pursuit and career aspirations. Once things start playing out and acceptance letters start rolling in you will have to make some decisions, but in the meantime enjoy yourself. I think breaking up right now because of 바카라�what could바카라� happen in the future may cause unnecessary heartbreak.

Dear Shree, why is so little written about hetero men바카라�s troubles in dating? Is it because most men are actually not having any significant trouble? Or because people don바카라�t want to talk about it? For example, if you search 바카라�Tinder바카라� in Google News you바카라�ll find 90%+ of the articles are written by women with recommendations for primarily other women on 바카라�how to get what you want바카라� or alternatively about the top 1% of guys who get 바카라�too much sex바카라� from the app. You won바카라�t find much or anything about the number of guys who are getting zero or near zero matches or ignored by the few matches they get. You won바카라�t find much of anything about the men that are being left out of the online dating world.

Also, why is it assumed that if you are having trouble in dating as a man, despite trying the 바카라�conventional바카라� advice (exercise, have hobbies, be successful, be funny, try to find common interests, etc.) it automatically means you hate women? I feel discriminated against by women every day in the dating marketplace for things I can바카라�t control, when I look at the statistics that mirror my experience or I compare my experience to that of some of my male friends, but it doesn바카라�t mean I hate women or that I feel 바카라�entitled바카라�. Everyone wants to love and feel loved. Everyone wants to have sex with someone who wants them too. Do you have any advice?

-- Raja Sen, Kolkata

The online dating world is a cluster of excitement, disappointment, opportunity and confusion. My advice? Don바카라�t put all of your eggs in one online dating basket. If you feel there is daily discrimination, what is that doing to your psyche? Ditch it for a while! Look at investing your time in meeting single women in other areas. Where would your 바카라�type바카라� hang out? A bar, book store, through mutual pals?

Most people are naturally attracted to people who seem secure and content, regardless of their relationship status. So make sure you are in the right headspace. Instead of trying to decode the algorithms and faults of online dating, put that energy into doing things you love. Trade in dating fatigue for a mental break of fun. Thank you for starting this dialogue but getting bogged down in it isn바카라�t going to improve your situation. Women find men that are positive and upbeat and believe in themselves very attractive. Be THAT guy and maybe your luck will change.