Interview | Radhika Apte on an actor바카라�s powerlessness, and why she바카라�s done 바카라�playing the game바카라�

I was in Kolkata to prepare for Antaheen (2009), and I can바카라�t remember clearly if it was a journalist or a filmmaker I바카라�d met for coffee. I told them I didn바카라�t know anyone in Kolkata 바카라� and they introduced me to Ashish Avikunthak. Ashish is an anthropologist, and the acquaintance told me he might be the right person to show me around the city. I was up for it, and I remember walking across Calcutta. We walked for days, he took me to many places and told me about its history. We became really good friends at the time, and he was visiting Pune 바카라� and he was working on a film. He asked me if I would appear in it, and I was obviously up for it! We shot on someone바카라�s terrace, I think, for an evening. That was it! I think I haven바카라�t spoken to him in years.

I didn바카라�t have any plans to write+direct, I바카라�ve mostly wanted to act! But I think I was frustrated with the kind of work that was being offered to me. I wanted to explore subjects that interested me. So, I took the plunge to write a short film and I enjoyed it so much that I decided it was something I wanted to do. I really enjoyed the writing process 바카라� I바카라�m still learning, and I might be better than I was four years ago, but I바카라�m good with characters. Since I바카라�ve spent so much time on my own characters. It바카라�s the plot and the writing in general that I need to become better at. I directed the short, and it was so fulfilling that I바카라�m now itching to direct again. 

For anyone with an acting career, you are powerless for the most part. You바카라�re choosing from what you바카라�ve been offered. For the longest time, I바카라�ve done work 바카라� some of which I바카라�ve enjoyed, and I바카라�m quite proud of 바카라� and the rest of the time it바카라�s like going to the office. That바카라�s a part of any profession, I guess, you can바카라�t like 100% of what you바카라�re doing.  

I quite like the feeling of being empowered with writing and directing. You obviously need to find someone to bankroll your initiative, but sometimes you find a like-minded producer and the whole thing becomes that much more enjoyable. I바카라�m fortunate to have found such a producer for my next undertaking.

When was the last time I did something in Hindi cinema? I think it was Vasan바카라�s film [Monica, O My Darling!]. I really had a ball. It바카라�s sad that not enough people offer me comedy, I think I really enjoy doing it. Sister Midnight is a comedy. I think I haven바카라�t done a lot of work in the last year or so. The problem is I바카라�m not a big fan of violence and gore, just for the heck of it! I바카라�m a bit bored by it 바카라� which doesn바카라�t necessarily mean I won바카라�t do it. I don바카라�t think I can make a blanket statement. But I바카라�m bored of supporting a male actor and having a tiny part to play in it. But then it contextually changes, right? For eg: my role in Monica wasn바카라�t big, but it was so much fun!

If it바카라�s a genuinely meaty part, it usually goes to someone more commercially successful. It바카라�s about the numbers then, your box office or your social media. And I바카라�m so done with social media! I used to be very active, because it played an integral part in our careers. But if I had to take one photograph, my entire day would go to waste. And there바카라�s always the additional worry about having to look a certain way. I literally never wear make-up in real life, I couldn바카라�t be bothered. So, I can바카라�t do it anymore.

It바카라�s why people do it at all. I used to get paid so much money! And I still would like to get paid that money, but it바카라�s just a lot of effort. When I바카라�m working in Bombay, I바카라�ve found it is easier to do. You바카라�re on set, and you have time to kill and you바카라�re fooling around. You바카라�re already in hair and make-up, and I바카라�m not very good at taking pictures about my personal life. I forget it most of the time! When I바카라�m walking on the road and I see people constantly taking selfies, I find it disturbing. I바카라�m not one of those.

I바카라�m sure I바카라�m as vain as any other person, but I바카라�ve never really enjoyed doing the whole social media routine. I바카라�ve always hated it. The thing is 바카라� I really tried to play the game for eight years, I did it sincerely. I told myself, I바카라�ll work hard and get the commercial viability so I can afford to do the smaller films. But the truth is, it doesn바카라�t work that way. Even after you do get the commercial viability after a project, you have to keep it going and it바카라�s like a non-stop game. So I just drew a line and said enough! I won바카라�t do this anymore.  

It probably means the end of my career, because I've been offered less and less work in the last few years. They think that because I don바카라�t live in India, I바카라�ve given up acting. Or now that I have a child, it might be tricky to accommodate me. If this is the end, then so be it. I think I바카라�ve realised that I can바카라�t be one of those 24*7 celebrities. I try to do as much as I can, obviously. 

It바카라�s just exhausting, where your commercial value has to be at a certain point. It바카라�s hard. A lot of the work we do is not very [creatively] stimulating. Neither for your brain, nor for your craft. Can you imagine going through a lifetime of doing such work and then reflecting on it, when you바카라�re old? I mostly went to the set hoping pack-up would happen soon. That바카라�s just a miserable way of going through life. And then claiming how you바카라�re doing something you love, but is it really true? 

The truth is I love performing, and I바카라�d really enjoy parts that are stimulating. They happen rarely. I바카라�m okay with doing one project a year, but let바카라�s just say that it바카라�s made me really unhappy to be 바카라�playing the game바카라�. To keep maintaining status on social media, to attend all the parties, and basically going around telling people how 바카라�cool바카라� their next project sounds, and if they have a part for me in it. But the truth is it바카라�s not cool, and I don바카라�t want to kiss ass anymore.

(laughs) I feel so ashamed I can바카라�t even tell you. It (the narration) changes, haan! Like there have been so many times where I was pitched this idea, and I was quite excited by it. They sent me the script, and I had so many issues with it 바카라� so I sent them my notes. I was assured that they were changing it. The script was rewritten, and I got it barely like a few weeks before we were supposed to go on the floors. I said: 바카라�What have you done?바카라� I told them that I don바카라�t agree with the ending, and they would have to change it. They reluctantly changed it, but the script was already so out of sorts. Me stepping out of that project means all the work of the team up until that point, and the tiny bit of finance that they바카라�ve been able to raise, it all goes down if I leave. 

There was another film, I eventually fell out with them, where they told me that they were rewriting. I바카라�m on the flight, and they tell me they바카라�re still rewriting. When I got there, they hadn바카라�t changed a thing. So, now do I leave? Or do I suck it up? 

Things change on the edit table, you might think you바카라�ve shot for something and then you watch it and it바카라�s something else. So, I think when people come up to me and ask 바카라�How could you do that?바카라� 바카라� I find that really inappropriate. Firstly, I didn바카라�t do it. And just look at the people you바카라�ve cast? It바카라�s a tricky situation. 

I바카라�ll tell you something 바카라� it바카라�s never happened where I thought something was not going to land, and it landed. I know exactly what바카라�s going to happen when I바카라�ve shot it, I think I have a good sense of that. I know when I have to disappear. I know when I바카라�ve gone against my own value system to just do something. But I was promised something else, and no one knows that. They only see what바카라�s in front of them. 

I guess you바카라�re right that I should probably have stood up for myself and said 바카라�I바카라�m leaving, I don바카라�t give a shit!바카라� But it바카라�s really hard, yaar!

Sometimes, you just have to pay your bills. I바카라�ve been writing for four years, I have a child, and I think I have a very moderate lifestyle. I don바카라�t own a ridiculously expensive car, and I don바카라�t even fly business-class, because I just find it absurd the amount of money for an 8-hr journey. I바카라�d much rather hold on that money and do literally anything else with it. If someone is flying me down for work, sure, I could do business. But I바카라�m also not someone who gets mobbed. It바카라�s not necessary.  

So, despite my moderate lifestyle, you have to make a living. Sometimes you just want to write for two years without thinking about money, there are lots of reasons why one takes work. Having said that I바카라�ve enjoyed the last decade 바카라� I don바카라�t want to sound like I바카라�m complaining about it. Even though there are many projects I don바카라�t like, I바카라�m glad I did it. I바카라�m glad I dressed up ridiculously and went for those parties, or put up pictures on my social media. I have no regrets when I look back. I바카라�ve met some incredible people along the way, every film that I바카라�ve done 바카라� whether I바카라�ve enjoyed it or not 바카라� I바카라�ve met some good people on the sets.

It was really sad, but the actor who ended up replacing me (Rasti Farooq) is so brilliant, I think it ended up happening for the best. I had so much sadness about not doing it because of our political environment. But then I saw it and I think some of these things are destined, no? She was just so good in the film. I was obviously sad about not being able to do the film, but you know when you see something great, and you don바카라�t wish to change a thing about it. I felt that after watching Joyland.

I haven바카라�t been working for that long in the West, but I do feel like it바카라�s going back a few years for me. I still haven바카라�t built up my portfolio as an actor, you know? Sister Midnight is helping, and I hope Last Days does something as well. I was nominated for the BIFA (British Independent Film Awards) 바카라� which is a big deal here. And it바카라�s led to me getting a couple of interesting offers, they바카라�re small films. But the roles seem interesting. 

It바카라�s not. If it바카라�s a smaller part in the West, I might agree to do it. One, because I have to build my portfolio from the ground up. Nobody knows who I am. And over here, there are no big/small roles. Actors do all kinds of things. Back in India, it바카라�s such a thing 바카라� where if you바카라�ve become a 바카라�lead actor바카라�, you completely freeze out any supporting parts. Over here, you바카라�ll find even the most well-established actors doing tiny parts, it doesn바카라�t have a larger consequence on the work you get offered otherwise.

Last Days came to me through my US agents. I couldn바카라�t audition for the role because I was doing Sister Midnight around that time. They set up a meeting between me and Justin Lin (the director), and can I say that he바카라�s just the kindest director I바카라�ve ever had the chance to work with. It바카라�s a big statement, but it바카라�s also true. He바카라�s the most compassionate and kind man I바카라�ve ever worked with. It was a fantastic meeting with him. I didn바카라�t know about Jon Allen Chau, and I hadn바카라�t read the profile 바카라� but I just knew I wanted to work with this man. Then I read all about it, and thought it was fascinating.

Any industry goes through cycles where you바카라�re focusing on action films or remakes, it goes up and down. Or at least that바카라�s what I바카라�ve gauged from the few decades of various film industries. But I definitely also think that compared to 2015-16, where I was getting offered a lot more interesting stuff and more brave projects were being made. I think we바카라�re definitely struggling with that right now, where people are unable to find finances. I don바카라�t think I have all the information to make a generalised statement or the data, but I can tell you from my personal experience where a lot of the ambitious stuff that I바카라�m reading doesn바카라�t have finance attached to it.  

Remakes, no offence to anyone, but I just don바카라�t watch those films. I바카라�m just not the audience for it, I guess. 

I wonder if it would be nice to study drama in England, but then it바카라�s could바카라�ve/should바카라�ve. But then again, I have no problems with my career trajectory, whether it took me to where I wanted to go or not. I don바카라�t think I got what I wanted in my career 바카라� because if you ask me what I want, I want to do work that stimulates me constantly, and it바카라�s something I want to watch as a member of the audience. I바카라�d like to keep learning, and be challenged. Unfortunately, it바카라�s not what is happening at the moment. But I don바카라�t regret anything, I바카라�m very grateful. I think I can still study drama here, it바카라�s not too late.  

*Last Days premiered at the Sundance film festival 2025