Jaya, a 23-year-old student from Delhi, carries a grey and pink cotton pouch everywhere she goes. It always has a handful of condoms, a half-used-up lubricant tube, and on a neatly folded paper, her recent STI results.
One should always have enough condoms of their own and not depend on the other person for buying them if you바카라re entering a friend-with-benefits situation with someone, she says. Being regularly tested for STIs 바카라sexually transmitted infections바카라 for everyone involved is the most important and lube just comes in handy, she added.
Jaya has been meeting people on dating apps since November last year. 바카라Since then, I have developed a level of friendship with many of these people. We are not committed but there is a level of comfort. We바카라re sleeping with each other but also seeing other people,바카라 she said. 바카라It works best for me. I find it much more liberating.바카라
The friends-with-benefits space can also be a very vulnerable one. Partners can have conversations about everything. It바카라s not just about sex. 바카라I take life advice from a partner in Bangalore while another one in Shimla helps me out with my knee problems,바카라 she said. 바카라I also talk to them about my experiences with my other partners and they do the same.바카라
In the last decade, it is really good that we have started having a term for these evolved relationships. Earlier people would indulge in casual relationships but would not know if they were right or wrong or if they should be in a relationship like this, said relationship and love counselor Ruchi Ruuh.
She added, 바카라Now people can enjoy what these relationships have to offer without feeling guilty.바카라
Meeting different people and getting to know them has also helped Jaya break out of the shame that is usually associated with women who have casual sex.
She said, 바카라I would get 바카라slut-shamed바카라 very often. But now I realise that exploring different people and their bodies, exploring me and my sexuality is also very exciting. Why should I repress that part of me?바카라
Over the years, Jaya has also perfected a routine to be followed in her friends-with-benefits relationships. 바카라I first meet someone at a public place just to talk. You need a certain amount of trust to proceed,바카라 she said. If the person is not willing to meet without sex, it is a problem, according to her. 바카라I start the conversation by asking about STI testing. More than the result of the report, their reaction to safe sex and STI says a lot.바카라
Establishing some ground rules before entering into what we now nickname an FWB relationship can be very useful, according to therapist Ruuh. These can look like, 바카라how many times are we going to meet up?바카라, 바카라Is it okay to make a phone call?바카라, 바카라Can I text you?바카라, 바카라What are the parameters of this relationship?바카라
바카라Setting boundaries is critical,바카라 said Ruuh.
In heteronormative relationships, often men set the ground rules and dominate the relationship. Ruuh said, 바카라Men would usually tell women that we will do this and you won바카라t get a relationship and you also should not get attached. Women are often accepting of these rules.바카라
Our culture is also kinder and often appreciates men who can get casual sex from different women but when women ask for casual sex, it is looked down upon, according to Ruuh.
With time, however, the trend is changing. Women are picky about choosing partners and setting boundaries, says Ruuh. She adds, 바카라They leave on the first red flag and have their own toolkit to explore an FWB relationship.
Sara, 25, moved away from her parents in Delhi to Hyderabad to attend university. For the first time in their life, they had the time and space to explore different relationships. Soon they decided they did not want anything serious.
바카라My idea of friends with benefits was very much influenced by pop culture. I thought my partners and I would not only connect at a physical level but also share things with each other. Even though I had care and concern for my partners, casual or intense, it seemed like they did not give a shit. It took me time to learn that,바카라 they added.
For Sara, the need to have conversations with their partner beyond sex is also a way to protect themselves. 바카라I want to be certain that the person is not a threat to my life. I don바카라t want the person to take over and abuse the relationship,바카라 said Sara. The conversation also enables them to clearly tell the person what you are and are not willing to do.
Friends with benefits in today바카라s day and age can text and call sometimes but they are not as involved in your life as you would like a friend to be, according to Sara.
바카라If I am having a bad day I would talk to my friend, but not my friend with benefits,바카라 they added. Just hanging out with your FWB is also usually not an option. Your partner will only hit you up when they want to have sex with you, according to Sara.
Pop culture has also often portrayed a friend-with-benefits relationship as one where all partners are ready to have intercourse all the time.
Ruuh said, 바카라It is a romanticised idea and not true at al. It is possible for individuals in FWB situations not to have sex. Asking for consent becomes very important here before you do anything in this relationship.바카라
One needs to ask themselves if their relationship is good for them, said Ruuh.
She added, 바카라If a person is insecure and gets anxious when their partner is distant, they should look for something more secure than a casual relationship. But they end up indulging in an FWB situation because it is available. It can leave them feeling more insecure.바카라
Anything casual that is without an emotional groundwork to it can seem empty after a while even though it feels exciting in the beginning, said the Delhi-based counselor.
She said, 바카라Eventually, individuals will feel there is something missing. When we바카라re being intimate with someone, our body releases certain hormones that make us attractive to the other person. When one decides that they don바카라t want to form a bond with their partner beyond intimacy, our bodies do not understand that.바카라
