Shashi pauses while kneading dough when asked what is the most endearing thing her husband does for her. She first gives a puzzled look and then she giggles. This is not the kind of conversation we usually have in the morning when she comes to make breakfast and lunch.
When pushed to answer, she says: 바카라Since I am expecting, he buys fruits and milk for me and ensures I have both.바카라 She laughs when the second question is asked바카라how did you meet your husband?
She was just 14, living in a small village near Aligarh in Uttar Pradesh, when, one day, her father informed her that she would have to marry Jagdish, whom she did not know at all, the year she would turn 18. They interacted for the first time on the day of their wedding. Jagdish was a complete stranger when she moved to Delhi. Over a period of time, she accepted her new life. To support her husband, who works at a hardware shop, she started working as a cook in a few homes in a middle-class residential society in East Delhi. At 22, she is a mother to a two-year-old boy and is expecting her second child.
When asked if she loves Jagdish, 25, she says: 바카라There is no time for love. There are too many struggles and responsibilities. Most of our conversations are about how to manage home and take care of our children. We don바카라t have enough money for indulgence.바카라
Do they have any plans for the upcoming Valentine바카라s Day? Shashi asks if it바카라s the same day when young boys and girls give each other roses, chocolates and balloons and says: 바카라We have never celebrated on this day. We do small things for each other when we can. Like, this winter I bought a nice hoodie for him.바카라
After a while, Shashi remembers something and says: 바카라Oh! There is this one thing that we do every year. We go for the Dussehra mela. We take the rides at the fair, eat chowmein, pizza, burger and shop. Maybe the Dussehra mela is our Valentine바카라s Day!바카라
She accepts though that she wishes for things to be a little different. 바카라Wish we could be more carefree. Wish there was more money for indulgence. Wish we could talk about everything under the sun and not just about the daily grind. Wish we could spend quality time together,바카라 she says.
She lives in a basti in an East Delhi neighbourhood. Here, desires struggle to navigate through the narrow lanes, love flounders to flourish when four walls and ceilings jostle for space and heart-to-heart conversations get muted in the cacophony of everyday struggles.
Shashi shares her one-room-kitchen flat with eight other family members. The kitchen doubles up as a bedroom at night. In the tiny household, two universal emotions co-exist바카라love and loneliness. Her sister, Kajal, who is married to Jagdish바카라s brother, is lonely despite being in a relationship. For her husband, Kajal and their three children are almost non-existent. Whatever little he earns, he splurges on himself. And alcohol. Though she has accepted her 바카라lonely in a relationship바카라 status, she does miss the emotional presence of a companion. 바카라At times, I feel it바카라s better to be alone than being stuck in a situation like this,바카라 she says.
The stories of Shashi and Kajal resonate across many bastis. While people living here depend on urban pockets in the neighbourhood for their financial needs, their emotional needs are almost never met. Amid the drudgery of life, love takes a backseat and they often end up dealing with loneliness all alone.
***
In this age of swiping right to find partners, there exist many old-school love stories. Like this one바카라the boy falls in love with a girl, subsequent meetings take place secretly by the riverside in a village, friends are used as mediums of communication in the absence of a mobile phone and warring parents have to be dealt with before the 바카라happily ever after바카라 happens.
Shravan Kumar, 27, works at a small shop set up by his mother in a lane in a South Delhi neighbourhood. On a typical day, he is busy selling chips, cigarettes and cold drinks. But he takes some time out to share his love story. Shravan and Sapna fell in love when he visited his native village바카라Shahpur in Saharsa district of Bihar바카라in 2016 to attend a wedding. He was 19, she was 16. She had cleared her Class 10 and aspired to join the Bihar Police and Shravan was studying in a college in Delhi.
When asked if it was love at first sight, Shravan nods in affirmative, Sapna says no. 바카라I liked him though and told my sister about him. But he had gone back to Delhi. We have many common relatives. Whether he was invited or not, he would be present on important occasions like weddings. Someone was giving him all the information!바카라 she says.
The two would meet by the big river in the village and fell in love. With his meagre savings, Shravan bought a second-hand mobile phone for her. Since she was a minor, procuring a SIM, that too in the small village where everyone knew everyone, was a big challenge. The long-distance relationship continued for some time until one day Sapna바카라s parents found out about the secret mobile phone and confiscated it.
바카라Our lives are all about managing do waqt ki roti. There is no time for love. We don바카라t have money for indulgence바카라.
Unable to get in touch with her, Shravan mobilised the large network of friends and relatives and was heartbroken when he came to know about the mobile. For the next few days, their friends became the medium of communication. 바카라Our parents were not letting us get married because we were too young. We considered eloping but we decided against it. We wanted everything to happen respectfully,바카라 he says.
The two got married in 2017 and Sapna moved to Delhi. At 24, she is a mother to three children. When asked if she regrets marrying young and letting go of her dream of joining the Bihar Police, she says: 바카라Maybe my life would have been different had I not fallen in love then. I cleared the exam, but could not clear the physical test. I could have tried again. But things changed. I have no regrets though,바카라 she says.
Their most prized possession바카라the humble mobile phone that helped in sustaining the long-distance love story.
***
Is the mush factor missing in modern love stories? Vimal Kumar Sharma, 40, who owns a small flower shop in the same lane where Shravan바카라s shop is, is convinced. On a January evening, he is sorting flowers and spraying water on the ones that are arranged in beautiful bouquets. Does he order red roses in bulk on Valentine바카라s Day? 바카라Gone are those days. This shop has been here for the past 40 years. We have seen the craze for roses on Valentine바카라s Day. Even those who could not afford would buy at least one rose. Now, no one bothers much and I blame mobile phones,바카라 he adds while cutting stems of bright yellow sunflowers.
He feels people are interacting too much and that has led to the demise of the mush. 바카라Also, these days, people change partners like they change clothes. My wife and I have been married for 20 years. Our relationship evolved gradually. This is how should be. I have been taking one red rose for her for the past 20 years on February 14,바카라 he says.
He feels that the nature of love and relationships has changed in cities. 바카라In small towns and villages, more communication happens between two individuals and not through mobiles,바카라 he adds, while fixing a bedsheet to cover the flowers to protect them from the dust flying from the nearby construction site.
Three workers from the site walk in to have tea at a shop. They are migrant labourers from Bihar. They completely dismiss the idea of love or loneliness. 바카라Our lives are all about managing do waqt ki roti,바카라 says one. Ask them if they miss their wives when they are away for work for months or if they feel lonely, they laugh awkwardly. 바카라We get to meet them once in a while. That바카라s enough,바카라 says the other.
***
The residential society in East Delhi, where Shashi works as a cook, is a space where Seema and Seema바카라one works as a maid, the other irons clothes바카라get to bond and share their stories of loneliness. Seema바카라s husband passed away recently due to kidney failure. The two had been married for 22 years. She is struggling to deal with the sudden void. Her emotional support is Seema, who is stuck in a bad marriage. When asked how she is dealing with her husband바카라s absence, she says: 바카라I often find myself folding his clothes. It will take me years to get over him.바카라
(This article appeared in Outlook바카라s Valentine바카라s Day 2025 special issue on love and loneliness in the era of technology. This appeared in print as 'Confined, Constricted')
