Dear Shree, I am beginning to hate the idea of sex. My ex-husband was great in bed and we were together for over a decade, but he cheated on me a lot and eventually we divorced. A few years later, I met my current partner. I have tried telling him what I would like but unfortunately he is dreadful in bed. He is a good guy and nurtures the relationship, but in bed, he바카라s a total bore. I am so out of it, but just don바카라t know how to tell him the truth.
-Mira Khanna, Delhi.
Sex is subjective. And while you may have sought and attempted to teach your new partner what gets you aroused, but if he has been unresponsive and is a bore, you need to take a call on how important good sex is to you in the long term, and if you could tolerate a life minus a sexual high. You will have to sit back and prioritize. In your case, you have already sacrificed good sex 바카라 in your marriage 바카라 because fidelity was meant much more to you, and your dignity mattered in the long run. Maybe, try and have a candid talk with your partner along the lines of: 바카라I really value what we share, and would like to consider having a future together, but I do not feel we have yet found a way to be sexually compatible. I really need you to listen to me, and I want to do what works best for you, too.바카라 If this does not yield the desired results, perhaps you need to take a final call on whether this is what you want.
Dear Shree, because of childhood trauma and the resulting depression, I started dating very late. The good news is, I바카라ve been in therapy and a lot of soul-searching, and I feel like I바카라m ready to be in a committed, stable relationship. The bad news is, I바카라m 36, and it seems that there just aren바카라t any eligible men over 35, even in Mumbai where I live and work. Finding a man in his late 30s or 40s who has all these qualities is turning out to be a real difficult task. I meet lots of men 바카라 I have varied interests, mostly cultural 바카라 and I also indulge in online dating. But the ones my age or a bit older all seem to be severely socially awkward or mentally unstable. And the ones who do seem even-tempered usually are very recently divorced/still getting over a breakup, etc. I바카라ve met exactly two men in the past three years whom I바카라ve felt I could connect with, but neither of them was 바카라ready for anything바카라 with me. I바카라ve never wanted to be that girl who says 바카라All the good ones are taken,바카라 but I don바카라t know how else to see it.
-Priyanka Bhartia, Mumbai
It바카라s frustrating it is to be ready for a relationship and to not find a good match. However, I would say keep an open mind and try looking for matches outside Mumbai. Let everyone you know be aware that you were looking and are open to set-ups. There are only so many people you can meet on your own, but, when you enlist the help of friends, co-workers, family, and neighbors, you increase your potential options ten-fold. Be game to dating against type. People typically seek out partners who help sell an image they바카라re trying to project to the world or help tell the narrative they바카라ve created for themselves. Break that stereotype and take your chances. Keep a positive attitude. You don바카라t sound bitter or particularly jaded, but you do sound understandably frustrated and you said you바카라re having an increasingly difficult time staying positive. You need to try as hard as you can to keep that in check and to not project that when meeting new people. One way to do that is to imagine that everyone you meet may lead you to your destiny. It바카라s kind of a corny way of thinking, but it helps. Even if a person you go on a date with isn바카라t a match, maybe he will introduce you to the person who is. Stay positive and that positivity, which is really just energy, will help in attracting positivity 바카라 including your ideal match 바카라 into your life. And if you바카라re finding it nearly impossible to stay positive, that바카라s your cue to take a breather from dating. Close or pause your online dating profiles, do whatever else you need to tell yourself you바카라re not actively dating, and focus instead on fostering your friendships and hobbies and on working on your career. This, in a sense, is cultivating positivity in your life, and, eventually, like will attract like.
Dear Shree, my live in partner is 46 and has a 21 year old daughter who wants to study fashion designing. Her dad paid for her tuition, housing, car, weekly allowance, cell phone, etc. She finished school, moved back home, says she doesn바카라t really want to do that anymore. She has never worked a day in her life. She totaled her car, and my partner enlisted me to find a new one for her in my spare time. The other day she asked him to buy her an expensive phone as she insists she바카라s bored with her previous one. He is going through financial hardship and is stressed out with money. Now, he wants me to give her my car as well. His ex wife doesn바카라t help financially. I am 34 and have a 5 year old son, and my partner is a fully involved co-parent. But when it comes to his own blood, when will I have a say? After two years living together, I moved out because of this but we바카라re getting back together. We picked out a ring, and I바카라m moving in in four weeks. But I바카라m worried.
-Mehek Bassi, Pune.
Second marriages are a lot more difficult than first marriages when there are children involved 바카라 even adult children 바카라 because there are so many different family dynamics in place. And when second marriages 바카라 or relationships with single parents 바카라 fail, it바카라s usually because of the family dynamics. So here바카라s my advice:
- Don바카라t move back in with your boyfriend until this situation is resolved. If you do, you바카라re going to be jerking your five year old son through relationship muck that he shouldn바카라t have to go through. You바카라ve got to put his needs first here.
- Understand that your boyfriend is enabling his daughter in some irresponsible behavior that is not going to serve her as a healthy adult. He바카라s not helping her stand on her own two feet or setting up boundaries for an adult child who should be living and working on her own. However, it is his responsibility to deal with her 바카라 not yours. You바카라re the girlfriend, not the step-mother. And if you do become the step-mother, you바카라ll be the step-mother of an adult child, not a small child. So you don바카라t get to talk to her about her behavior. He does.
- Set strict boundaries so you won바카라t participate in the enabling that바카라s making you angry. Stop shopping for a car for her. You바카라re upset because you바카라re doing something you don바카라t want to be doing. And shouldn바카라t be. She바카라s old enough. She should be car shopping, herself. As far as your boyfriend lending you his car, remember that that바카라s a gift, and it바카라s his choice to give his daughter your loaner car.
- As for your boyfriend having 바카라a say바카라 in your son바카라s life 바카라 it doesn바카라t seem like that바카라s a great idea unless you바카라re engaged with a wedding date in place. Your boyfriend should not be parenting your son. And, that바카라s your responsibility to enforce.
- As for your boyfriend 바카라 talk lovingly and calmly with him about what바카라s going on and what your concerns are regarding his daughter. It sounds like he바카라s avoiding the reality of the financial problems 바카라 by overindulging her, instead of focusing on bolstering his own finances and cutting back spending. It바카라s probably going to be very hard for him to face this. However, if he doesn바카라t, his problems are going to create a shaky foundation for any relationship he has with you and your son.
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